Motivation with Depression

Yesterday I had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. I didn’t even want to drink water to reach my goal and I was late for breakfast with my family because I was playing around with my dogs and just couldn’t get motivated to leave. I did make it to breakfast and had a great time so I’m glad I went. We went back to the french bistro Susie’s downtown and it was just as lovely as it was the first time. The food is excellent. It’s pricey to be sure, but well worth it on occasion.

I ended up coming home and sleeping most of the day. I think I did two loads of laundry all day and I didn’t fold them until almost 10 p.m. I didn’t even cook dinner. Mental illness is a strange thing. I know it contributes to about 90% of my motivation and attitude. I know it, yet I feel like I can’t do anything about it. When I’m low like this, I feel like I have 200 lb weights on my shoulders. Just thinking about getting up makes my head pound. My self doubt speaks to me at a volume I’ve never even listened to music to. Ha, good analogy right? I know my mental illness affects everything I do and how I live every day. I know how important it is to take my medications religiously and on time, some days though, I have -5 fucks to give about any of it.

The surprising thing for me about waking up and feeling so low is that I had a great week. The renovation has started. Now granted, the house looks like shit, but my sister-in-law was a huge blessing yesterday. She just kept telling me it’s growing pains and by the end it will look stunning. I really appreciated that and I hope she knows she was a bright spot in my dark day.

The renovation started and I was like “huh, this isn’t so bad”, day 3 and I was over it. I literally sit with the dogs all day and try to keep them calm with a bunch of noises going on that they don’t understand and have never heard. It really is tough, it’s a chore. When I saw the space my new washer and dryer will be in though I cried. I’m so darned happy about this and I’m super excited to see the end product.

The weatherman is shitting on my parade though and has called for rain for Monday through Thursday this coming up week. Great. I guess the crew has some stuff they can do inside so they aren’t worried about it slowing them down much and I hope that’s the case but it wouldn’t be their fault if it ends up going to the rain.

The front of the house ½ stone wall has been torn off, the cement porch has been torn off, the living room floor joist has been repaired, the laundry room floor has been jacked up, leveled, and stabilized (this I have enjoyed more than I thought I would. I walk across it now and am like “oh my gosh the whole room doesn’t shake”, and the laundry room has been expanded by about 5 feet. It’s all so ugly right now, but she’s right, it will be beautiful. I can’t wait to show you all. Steve and I are taking, before-progressing-and after pictures, check out my album on my facebook page. Crystal Porter-Smyers.

The husband and I had to go price out some renovation materials at Lowe’s so he stopped at Cane’s when we finished and brought dinner home to me. I’ve never been a fan of Cane’s until last night. I used to openly talk about how much I didn’t care for their food but last night I tried their hot sauce with the chicken and it made a world of difference for me. Their hot sauce is amazing! I’m in love.

Today is a completely different day. Today I woke up early and hit the ground running. Well, maybe a mall walk would be more apt of a description, but the point is I got up and started cleaning the house. I had to google how to clean bacon grease off of plastic bowls/dishes and it said to fill my sink ½ full with hot water, add dishes, and then add 2 cups of white vinegar. Let sit for 15 minutes, add some Dawn dish detergent to my wash cloth (not a sponge) and scrub the bowls/dishes good, rinse with hot water, and dry immediately. Oh my gosh, it worked. Everything is squeaky clean and I couldn’t be happier about it. I make Steve bacon and eggs for his work breakfast every morning and he heats it at work and eats there since he goes in so early. The trade off is I get back the bacon greased bowls he uses and then I have to figure out how to properly clean them. Today I had had it, I learned how to clean them properly. I’m very proud.

I made myself lunch and I’ve been keeping track of my water and caloric intake. I feel good, I feel strong. Today is also my quit date for smoking. I know, I know didn’t I quit several months ago? Yes, and I restarted about a month ago. But today, today I’ve quit again and hopes be damned, I want it to be for the last time. My husband though is an accidental sadist. I get up, I feel great, I feel strong and then I see a pack of cigarettes laying on the kitchen island. What? The? Actual? Fuck? He forgot his pack when leaving for work. He felt awful about it. That’s okay though because remember, I feel good, I feel strong. I put them in a drawer and have not touched them. Have I thought about touching them? Sure have. But I haven’t and I am proud I can practice at least a little bit of willpower.

Today I am smoke free. Today I am completing goals with my food and water intake. Today I am cleaning my house up a bit. Today I threw away a bunch of junk. Today I found my black kitty cat slippers. Today I spent over an hour chatting on Facebook messenger with my little brother whom I adore. Who knows what my mental illness will bring tomorrow but today I’m grateful it brought me sunshine and motivation.

Feeling Better

Since starting the ketogenic lifestyle changes I feel better. Not just in mind and spirit, but in body. I feel more limber? Is that weird? My back pain has not gone away and neither has my fibromyalgia and migraines but I feel the pain from them less than I did say a month ago. In mind and spirit I just feel more like myself. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but it does to me. I consider myself to be sassy and sweet with a wicked intelligence and sarcasm. I feel more like myself than I have in a really long time. I don’t feel the weight of depression and anxiety drowning me every second of every day.

I see a new Neurologist tomorrow, I hope I like him. I love the one I see already but he doesn’t work at Ohio State and I really just want to transfer all of my care to one provider and I like Ohio State so far and all they’ve done for me. My spine/pain clinic doctor recommended this neurologist and I’m excited about the possible switch, tomorrow is more like an interview to see if I like him and if he continue to give me the same level of care my current neurologist does.

I also have appointments with the Throat Disorders Clinic, the Sleep Clinic, and Gastroenterology at OSU in the coming months. I’m happy they are so pressed to get my issues taken care of and get me on the right track to being the healthiest I can be.

I want to give a real update on Ernie our new doggy Boxweiler. I know I post pics of he and the boys but I wanted to actually document how things are going. Things are going great. I can’t believe how easily he has assimilated into our lifestyles. He and our two boys who are bonded really do fit like 3 peas in a pod. We have had no major issues on any front since bringing him home. I am so happy he has fit like a missing puzzle piece in our lives. He is incredibly sweet and polite it’s hilarious. I’m used to my boys being rude and pushy and he’s learning bad habits from them but it’s cute.

I think Steve and I are going swimming today so I’m super excited about that. Basically all I need to do now to get ready for the renovations beginning on Monday is clean off the front porch. I have two huge concrete planters out there that I think I’m going to have to throw away which is almost heartbreaking for me because Zach and Britani painted them for me when they were little kids. I have cherished them as I would any other thing they had given me. Shoot, I still have all of Zach’s high school pottery projects in my new curio/hutch in the spare bedroom. I still have a burlap sack banner project Britani made for me at summer camp when she was 11. I guess I may have hoarded a few things but they are special. So back to the planters, one is actually broken, Steve backed into it with his truck several years ago. It’s still standing though even with a huge crack down the side. I should probably just throw them away and say fuck it, I have so much from the kids already, these two planters shouldn’t cause me so much mental strain.

My biggest issue right now is where am I going to put my mailbox for the next two weeks? I actually can’t wait to throw it away. It’s this janky old mailbox that came with the house 20 years ago. I cant wait to get rid of it, two more weeks! In the meantime the mailman said to nail it to a post and plant the post in the front yard so he can get to it. WTF, how am I supposed to get a post in the yard and where?! I mean I don’t know yet how much space is going to be used up for the renovations. I may just put it at the corner of the drive way but I’ll have to be careful so my packages and mail doesn’t get wet if it rains. The mailbox is under our covered side of the porch right now and it won’t be come Monday. I hate wet mail. I really do. It should be right up there with wearing wet shoes, or eating bland pasta. Wet mail, blah.

Okay, I’ve gone on and on enough. Oh one last thing, if you are watching Sharp Objects on HBO with Amy Adams, may I suggest you read the book first, or also. The book is great and it’s by the same author as Gone Girl. Pretty great stuff.

Have a lovely week people. I certainly will.

Weight Loss

I’ve lost a total of 6 lbs in about 3 weeks. I know I could be more strict on the Ketogenic way of life but I can recognize that 6 lbs in 3 weeks is very good. My doctor told me that this is ideal for where I want to be in a year. So I’m happy and the happier I am, the more I’ll work towards my goals. Even my husband has noticed a weight loss, a change in the way his clothes fit. I’m ecstatic that he’s decided to change the way he eats with me. And hey, it’s not so bad. He gets to eat eggs and bacon every morning and fruit and cheese for lunch.

We are gearing up for our renovations, everything starts in 1 week and I’m relieved and excited that it’s going to happen finally. My firm wish is for everything to go smoothly and quickly and that we can have it done in a week in a half to two weeks as planned. My hope is that I love it and that I never want to change it again. I’m most excited about the possibility of moving the washer and dryer to the newly expanded spot in the laundry room. Where they are right now is just not viable in the future. Anyway, I’m excited to get started. It’s a lot of money but I think the house will look amazing.

It’s been hot as Hades outside. Steve is looking at gazebos to possibly place on the deck or in the back yard so I can sit in the shade with my pups while the work is going on. I can’t have them in the house every day.

That’s it, that’s me for the next few weeks. I’ll take before and after pictures of the work being done and post them so you all can see what changes we’re making. I hope you’re all doing lovely and having a super flaming hot summer, like we are.

Move Along

Keep moving until you find your happiness. I’m happy. It’s a double-edged sword for me. When I’m happy I feel like I have trouble creating. I can’t write like I normally do. When I’m not happy I turn out some pretty amazing stuff. I prefer to be happy.

Ernie has wagged his way right into our pack. He has been accepted by our bonded pair and they have ear licking sessions every morning and night, no really, they do. Jesse is happy because he now has someone he can chase around the yard when he gets the zoomies. Prime is happy because he now has someone who just likes to flab out on the couch.

I don’t want to get too political here today because I’m in a great mood, but let me just say I told you so. All my conservative acquaintances who think they have something to say about the immigrant children interment camps, go fuck yourself. I don’t want to hear your opinions and I don’t care about your opinions. You’re all a bunch of fuckwits who will be judged justly. Remember this moment. Remember the faces of human children corralled behind fences with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a silver foil blanket to keep them warm without their siblings and parents. Remember that this administration has somehow lost 5,000 of these children in CPS. How the fuck do you lose 5,000 children in CPS? Remember you voted for someone who doesn’t understand the difference between someone seeking asylum and someone illegally crossing a border. Go fuck yourselves.

On another happier note, we have made our decision about a contractor and he is working on our contract right now, we should be starting soon. This is both stressful and exciting and I can’t wait! On a negative note, our air condition has been diagnosed as taking a dump slowly on us and we could replace now or have it go out when it’s 104 degrees outside and an emergency call to get a new one in. So we decided to replace it now. They were supposed to be here with our bigger and better air conditioner at 8 am. This morning but of course, things go sideways and they won’t be here until noon. I have Shawn over to do a small paver patio under the new one. Steve will hopefully finish the patio later this month. It’s all coming together and I’m so happy. We oiled my butcher block island this morning and it looks amazing! Mitchell did a beautiful job. It’s been top 5 best gift ever from my husband. He knows me like the back of his hand and I couldn’t love him more for that.

That’s it, that’s me, oh wait, I lost 4 lbs last week. I haven’t weighed myself this week but I feel better. I have more energy, I don’t feel sluggish. I wake up at 5 am. Every morning and I’m pretty much asleep every night by midnight. I can tell my clothes are beginning to fit me differently and I’m so happy my A1C was a little high. I don’t think I’d have made this kind of lifestyle change if it hadn’t happened. Because that’s what it is, a lifestyle change, not a diet.

I hope you all are having an amazing week and enjoy the summer solstice tomorrow!

Puppies

As many of you already know, we adopted a puppy this week, and yes even though he looks like a miniature horse, he is a puppy at 1.5 years old. His name is Ernie and he came from southern Ohio. A family there had thought he was displaying the prey instinct and couldn’t handle it. They needed a new home for him and fast. We didn’t want him to go to a shelter or to someone who wouldn’t do what is best for him so even though we were perfectly happy with just Prime and Jesse, we decided to take him on and he’s been a dream.

Our boys get along great with the new addition and he’s even met my son’s two dogs Blaze and Rex. It’s all been positive so far. He seems to want to give as much affection as he receives. He’s very laid back so he’s just fit right in.

In other news this week, I’ve lost 4 lbs. You don’t even know how happy that makes me. I don’t officially weigh in until Monday but I’m telling you, I feel so good about this already. I don’t even consider it a diet, it’s more like a change of living. I don’t crave anything and I don’t miss anything. I’m happy.

I took this week off of my appointments so I could be here with the dogs and I’m glad I did. I needed a break from driving back and forth to Columbus to be poked and prodded every single day. Like I said, I’m happy bur more importantly, I feel good.

Goals

I’m turning 41 today and last week I got some potentially seriously bad news. My A1C tested high. Now it wasn’t over the top high, just a fractionally small amount high but it was enough to scare the pants off of me.

I’ve learned so much about diabetes and Type 1 versus Type 2 in the last week. My doctor put me on Metformin because I need desperately to lose weight. Not a little weight either. I need to lose like a whole person and not a thin person. My doc also asked me to start using my exercise bike for 30 minutes a day and to change the way I eat. I’m looking forward to the exercise bike. Learning how to eat differently will be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.

You see, I come from a “clean your plate” generation. You know the one, most of you are from the same generation. Our parents made our plates and always put too much food on them. Our parents also decreed that we would eat every bite or “sit there”. This stressed to us at a young age that we have to eat and we have to eat a lot. It carried over with us as adults and now it’s no wonder our nation has like a 70% diabetes rate and a 90% pre-diabetes rate. My sugar has never been considered high no matter my weight until now. I’m not considered pre-diabetes but if I don’t fix this, if I don’t change, I will be.

My doctor asked me to try the Keto Diet. My husband and I did some research and both agreed to do it together. He has always been an amazing source of support for me and I hope I have been for him. We will do this. We have to. We start today and I’m excited.

My goals for the next 90 days.

1. Do not stray from the diet.
2. Do not buy any new clothing.
3. Take my medications as directed.
4. Don’t make excuses.
5. Only weight myself once a week.
6. Diligently wear my fitness tracker.
7. Exercise twice a day three times a week and once a day four times a week.
8. Share my journey and be held accountable.

Is No News Good News?

Are you the kind of person who needs to know, right now? I always thought I was that kind of person, well I did until recently. I haven’t been posting anything super serious online for the last few weeks because I’ve been pretty sick. This isn’t the standard stuff I’ve been dealing with for the last 20 years and if I’m being honest, I’m terrified.

I’ve had bouts of laryngitis four times in the last 4 months. It started a few days after my gall bladder surgery so the first time I attributed it to having a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery and I thought it would go away and that would be that. Just some irritation. It lasted 3 weeks that first time. Finally around Thanksgiving I got worried enough to go to the ER, they told me I had strep throat, gave me some medicine, and sent me home. I took that round of medication and now into the 4th week of having little to no voice, difficulty breathing and swallowing, and ear pain with a slight dry cough thought well this is it, this is going to fix things. It didn’t. I went a full course, 10 days, of antibiotics and was still sick. The first week of December I went to Urgent Care and the doctor there said I had some random bacterial infection. He prescribed a stronger antibiotic and sent me on my way. It worked! I was incredibly happy to be feeling better so I finished my Christmas shopping and thought nothing else of it.

Two days before Christmas it came back. Just as bad this time and I decided to wait it out at least a week. I waited 8 days and went back to Urgent Care. The doctor there told me it had to be GERD or Acid Re-flux as it’s also called. He said it was burning my throat and causing irritation. He upped my dose of Nexium 40 mg a day to 40 mg twice a day (one in the morning and one in the evening). I did this for the next week and it didn’t help. I called my family doctor. He got me in right away and referred me to see an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) doctor. He wanted me to have a scope done. It’s not pleasant. They take a long tubular shaped instrument and slide it up your nose,bending it just right so it then slips down the back of your mouth and into your throat. It takes incredible concentration to fight your gag reflex. It was horrible and felt extremely invasive (and that’s funny to me because I’ve had a speculum in my lady garden).

The ENT does this test and when done he turns to me and says “Your throat is too swollen for me to see the vocal chords. Let’s give you another Acid Re-flux medication to take at bedtime, see if it works, if it doesn’t I’ll see you back in one month.” Now mind you, I’ve now spent 9 weeks in the past 4 months with almost no voice, trouble swallowing, and painful coughing. I agreed to his plan though because then he hit me with “best case scenario it’s GERD, worst case it’s cancer.”

The bottom fell out for me right then and there. My mind started racing, I of course thought first I’m going to quit smoking! And then went right into, well it’s a bit too fucking late for that right?

My paternal grandmother died of throat cancer. I have heard that she even had a tracheotomy with one of those horrible voice box vibrators so she could talk. I do not want to live like that. My grandfather supposedly had lung cancer and I know my own father died of lung cancer when I was only 23. He was 57, just 17 years older than I am now. Like I said, my mind was racing. I couldn’t seem to stop on any specific thing to calm down. My niece (who’s only 2 years younger than me) was with me and she helped distract me.

I texted my husband that I’d be home later and that I didn’t want to talk about it until I could see him. See I know I’ll die before Steve. He’s a much better person than I am. I talk about what I want to happen all the time with him and I know it upsets him but I’ve always hated how people leave things until it’s all too late. I at least want him to know what I want to happen so he doesn’t have to question his decisions when the time comes. I tell everyone I do not want resuscitated, I do not want to live on any type of machinery, I do not want to be paralyzed or incapacitated. I do not want a funeral, I want cremated with an old fashioned wake. I want people to meet up, enjoy some drinks, love the great food they remember me for, and grieve in a joyous way. I want there to be music, and no not funeral home music either. I want good music. I even have a play list I update on occasion. I even have a blue book called “I’m Dead, Now What?” with all of this information. I don’t want to be stage 4 laying in a hospital room while my friends and family struggle to find time and emotion to come see me, say goodbye to me. I want to go out in a blaze of glory like my father did.

He was diagnosed stage 4 and told he had maybe 6 good months. He said fuck it, he got his house in order, he checked in to a nursing home, and he partied for 2 months. My brothers snuck him in beer. My mother brought him pizza and subs he loved. And me, I brought him cigarettes when he asked me to. Even at 2 a.m., I wanted to be pissy about having to take him smokes while he was dying of lung cancer, but I just couldn’t. It’s what he wanted and he knew he was done. He lived the way he wanted for 2 months and I have nothing but respect for that. I just hope when my time comes someone will say the same of me.

So, I didn’t post about this for the last two weeks but just needed to send my thoughts out into the universe finally. I’m terrified. I’m trying really hard not to overreact and I type that as I still have no voice, trouble swallowing, and painful dry cough that no medication has helped for four months. I have 2.5 weeks to go until we do more testing. I don’t pray but I am quitting smoking. It doesn’t matter if I have cancer or not, I want to be done with it.

I’ll update as more testing is done. I don’t want to dwell on it though so let’s all move on.

The Chronic

Do you ever think about the correlation between the Devil’s Lettuce and Pain having the same forename? Chronic. Yes I partake, in both sadly.

About seven years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Lower Back Pain. I have several Hemangiomas along my spinal column that cannot be removed. I also have degeneration in my right hip and the right side of my coxys. Every year, it seemingly gets worse. This is on top of several other pretty serious diagnoses. One of whitch is Sleep Apnea. Today I met with a Urogynecologist to discuss problems I’ve been having with waking up to go pee.

This was her thoughts and recommendations: my sleep apnea is causing the problem, If we fix the sleep apnea, it will probably go away. We will start a medication that will help me with the urge to pee. I will continue hardcore on my healthy living plan to try and lose a significant amount of weight. Now here is the rub….I have had DD breasts since I hit puberty, around 12 years old. No matter how thin I was or how heavy I became, I’ve always had very large breasts. Her thoughts run along the lines of getting a breast reduction surgery right away. She even called a very reputable plastic surgeon and set me up. The thoughts are that if I get the weight off of my chest area, I’ll sleep better, therefore fixing any urinary incontinence problems.

My thoughts, I’m freaked out. I’ve heard some bad things about breast reduction surgery. I’ve heard it takes an inordinate amount of time to heal and recover. I heard it’s extremely painful and leaving awful scaring because they literally have to cut off your nipples and reposition them. I’ve also heard you end up losing all sensation in the nipple area. I mean, how will I ever know if I’m cold again, haha. But seriously, this is a huge thing for me to think about.

I discussed it a lot with my husband tonight. We both kind of agreed we’d go to the plastic surgeon, listen to what he has to say, get the facts. But in the end I will be making the decision to use this year to get as healthy as I can. I will use the year to get back down to a healthy, manageable weight. If, in January 2019, I still have size DD breasts, I’ll go for the surgery.

It’s been a long day. Who am I kidding? It’s been a long two days. Yesterday I had 14 Botox injections in my face, head, neck, and shoulders. I do this every 10 weeks to try and stay Migraine free. I’ve had excruciating migraines since I was a kid and this has been the only treatment I’ve found so far that works, and I’ve tried pretty much everything, including sensory deprivation therapy and giving myself shots of Imitrex. The Botox injections take every bit of any energy I have out of me. I always come home and sleep for hours afterwards. This usually lasts 2 to 3 days.

Today I had this appointment with the Urogynecologist and not only was the drive an hour to get there but the appointment lasted 2 hours. I felt bad for Jewels who went up with me so I wouldn’t be alone (the husband had to work). The testing was super weird and invasive, like get naked, put your feet in the stirrups, invasive. I even had a catheter inserted for testing, they had to use a pediatric one because I’m a huge baby.

There was a silver lining to the darkness today. Jewels and I stopped at this quaint little Mexican Restaurant called Fiesta Jalisco. It’s apparently family owned and operated. Isn’t that the best? The food was plentiful and it was so delicious it almost made the day worth it. We both had to get to-go boxes there was so much food left.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my brother and his wife, my kid and his partner, and any grocery store employees I encounter. I’m still exhausted and just want the week to be over so I can get snowed in on Saturday and not do anything but decide which pajama pants are the cutest for when my husband gets off work.

Some Of That…

New Year, New Me bullshit.

The year is now 2018 and I decided as part of my “Resolutions” I’d be writing and sharing via blog more often. Last year was manic for me and I’m finally starting to mellow out. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not getting complacent about my political views, I’m slightly mellowing on how manic I’ve been to gather information and share that information with people who obviously need to be informed. I’ve heard so much in the last year about how Liberals and Democrats needed to sympathize with conservatives and try to “start a conversation”. Let me be the first to let you all know it just doesn’t work. I’m not a turn your other cheek kind of girl, I’m more of a slice your neck kind of “progressive”.

Enough about that, we’ll discuss politics more and more throughout the year I’m sure. I’ve been reading a lot lately, not that I don’t usually but it seems like I’ve been reading even more, I guess taking some time off of 24/7 News has cleared up some time for me. My husband and I are also working towards some home renovations and that is going super fantastic, thank you very much! It’s almost as if I’m a personal assistant again, not that I ever really stopped. I guess on some levels I’ve always been my husband’s personal assistant and it’s a great job, lots of perks if you know what I mean.

My list of resolutions:

1. Write and share more. Not just blogs but poems, short stories, etc. I write every day, mostly though I keep it to myself.
2. Accept all compliments at face value, same as last year, great self esteem boost.
3. Be healthier through my lifestyle and medical choices.
4. Be kind.
5. Play with my dogs more.
6. Learn some new recipes.
7. Fuck more.
8. Try to let things go.
9. Be less judgmental.
10. Quit smoking. This is a big one for me. I feel like I really want it. I’ve tried a few times and failed, I know deep down that failure stems from not really wanting to quit. I feel ready now.

I really like this list. I know it won’t all be easy to achieve but it won’t break me if I don’t. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. I did.

Update

It’s been a few weeks since my last post. I’d like to say I’ve been busy but I haven’t. I’ve been happy and I tend to write my most prolific pieces when I’m not happy, or more importantly, when I’m depressed. I have been writing mind you, just not posting. I have been remiss. I have also been really sick. I ended up getting strep throat about 3 weeks ago. It got so bad I went to the ER in the beginning and was prescribed antibiotics and steroids for swelling in my throat. After about 12 days none of my symptoms were going away so I went to the doctor to be re-checked and it was still there! The antibiotic had not done it’s job. The doctor told me then that when prescribed an antibiotic your symptoms should all disappear within 48 hours. If they don’t, it means the medication is not working and to get yourself back to the doctor right away. Good to know 14 days later. I ended up having strep and laryngitis for about 22 days all together. It was horrible. I still have a bit of a tickle and cough but I’m definitely on the mend.

Mother’s Day is coming up and I’m of course having a few little gatherings with the kids and probably one with my husband, he always does something cute from he and our doggies. Other than that, I have nothing planned. I don’t speak to my own mother so the day is pretty stress free for me.

I’ve got a few projects going on Saturday in the yard. I’m kind of excited about it. I’ll be working on my fence repairs and filling some holes the dogs have dug up around the property. Every time my husband mows the lawn he hits a hole and knocks a tire off of our Zero Turn, lol, it’s insane. So I had some dirt delivered and I’ll be spending the beautiful Saturday weather out there getting some much needed things done. I’m also going to get a new planter for my front porch. The husband bought me the most gorgeous rose bush just out of the blue this week. He said when he saw it it made him think of me, awww. So now I want to plant it where it will re-bloom every year.

I also need to get a hair cut and a pedicure this week, I may do that tomorrow. I’ve been paying close attention to the news lately and for real shit is messed up right now and I think it’s only going to get worse. I hope all the conservatives out there who were so staunch and judgmental have been paying attention to what is truly going on and I’m not talking about all the Russia stuff, pay attention to the smaller stories: the EPA, the Earthquakes in Alaska, Grand Jury Indictments, states passing bills that hurt workers, LGBQT rights, healthcare, climate science, etc. Pay attention.

So that’s me the last few weeks.